


Her Cancer

by HurricaneScully



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:43:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricaneScully/pseuds/HurricaneScully
Summary: I always wanted to know what happened behind the scenes in Redux 2. This is my attempt to tell the story.Scully is dying but she wants to die at home. Will Mulder help her or will she gets better?





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Scully. The doctor's said you wanted to see me. Hello, Mrs Scully" Mulder said as he entered her hospital room. She'd not long had the bizarre chip put in her neck but judging by the black circles under her tired eyes it wasn't making a damn bit of difference. 

"Yes, thanks for coming by" She said back. Maggie had smiled at him in greeting but he hadn't seen. It was hard to focus on anything else in a room that held the love of your life. Particularly when said person had their days numbered, although he tried to not think of that the knowledge seemed to vibrate in his very bones. He found himself looking at her in even more wonderment, more love, than he ever had before, now that her time was being stolen. He found that it was running quickly away from him, slipping through his hands like sand. What was his time, his life, without her? His time was linked to hers, the less she had, the less he had. He was dying right along side her, his mind withering as her body grew even more frail. 

"Mum, could you give us a minute?" She asked.

"Ofcourse, I'll just go get something at the cafeteria." She said and left, giving them each a parting smile. 

Mulder took over her vacated seat next to Scully's bed. He hated sitting on chairs like this while she lay in her hospital bed. Like he was sitting baring witness to her demise and could do nothing about it, just participating in a death watch. It felt like a cruelty that he didn't know if he could endure but he would, for her.

"So, what's up?" He asked. She stared off into the distance, not meeting his hazel eyes. 

"I want to go home, Mulder" She told him and he could hear the effort of her holding back tears in her voice.

"I know you do, Scully." He struggled for something to say to her, some kind of reassuring words that would give her light instead of a train at the end of the tunnel she was in. He couldn't stand to out right lie to her though, to tell her she'd definitely get better soon, to try and convince them both that she'd be able to go home very soon. 

They both knew she was struggling and the doctor's were only left with the chance that her immune system would identify the tumour as something to attack. Failing that or the chip doing *something* the likelihood was that she wouldn't live long, neither of them would. He'd decided long ago that he would go when she did. A single squeeze of a trigger and he'd join her.

"I'm not getting any better" She told him and he saw a solitary tear shine like a shattered bit of crystal down her cheek. He just stared at her, his mouth moving with no sound coming out.

"I just told my mum. The PET scan showed no improvement" She shuddered in a breath, still not meeting his eyes. "I'm dying" She whispered and he felt his stomach plummet to his shoes. He knew she was dying but it was the first time she'd ever actually said it and without her having said the words he'd managed to hold a tiny sliver of hope that she just might pull through. It was all that kept him going most days.

"No, Scully. The chip..." He started to say. That damn chip *had* to work. It had to do something. Why wasn't it working? Screw that cigarette smoking son of a bitch! If anyone deserved to be laying here dying of cancer it was him.

"The chip didn't work, Mulder" She told him. Her voice hollow and low. He felt tears burn and blur his vision. Swirling Scully and the hospital room into a sickening green kaleidoscope.

"You don't know that yet. Just, just give it some time" He told her and reached for her hand, she let him take it. It felt strange in his, like crepe paper stretched too far over her protruding bones, thin and papery, fragile. 

"I don't have time, Mulder" She told him in a firm voice. He looked up from their entwined hands to see she'd finally started looking at him. 

Her eyes held none of their usual spark, no sign of her intense passion or her quiet intelligence, no glitter of his Scully shinning at him. He could say nothing back to her, how could he argue with her? 

It was as though Scully had been trapped in a mirror, that mirror had fallen and shattered at his feet. All the tiny pieces of Scully's perfect healthy reflection lay before him, too tiny and insignificant in the large scheme of the world to matter, yet they were large, sharp, excruciating shards that were piercing and splintering into his heart. Scully was *his* world, perhaps that's why it stabbed at him, yet the God's themselves could care no less. This broken Scully couldn't seem to be put back together and trying to force the pieces into there original cancer free formation sliced into him and painfully reminded him of the truth. Scully was broken.

"I want to go home" She said again. Her hollow eye's pleading with him. He wasn't sure what she wanted him to tell her, what she expected to get out of the conversation. 

He stroked her hand, hoping that the small gesture would somehow sooth her obviously worried and weary mind.

"I don't want to die in this room, Mulder" She said and squeezed his hand before pulling her away. 

Scully had thought long and hard about her decision to go home. She knew it was a sign that she was accepting the inevitable, essentially welcoming in the reaper, giving up the hope that her highly held science was going to save her. The truth was that she *had* given up. 

The main thing that had kept her going so far was fear, not fear for herself but for the ones she cared about. Would her mother handle losing her only living daughter? How would her brother's handle losing another sibling? How would her death be explained to her nephew's, they were still so young. And then there was Mulder... She couldn't even begin to think of the pain her death would cause him, how much he'd blame himself for it, how devastated he would be. She couldn't bare to inflict such pain on him, on any of them. Atleast if she stayed in hospital they could comfort themselves that she had tried everything, that she hadn't given up without a fight. It made her fight, just for them...but now, now she was so tired. Exhausted of it all! 

Exhausted of the pain, searing through her blood like razor shards, leaving her bones feeling too heavy to move but too excruciating to keep still. Every single treatment brought pain, complete agony, but perhaps even worse than the pain was the nausea. The rolling sickness coiling deep in her gut, forcing the little food she could manage out of her exhausted body until there was nothing but the stinging fire of bile and dry heaving. She felt ashamed that she was giving in but it was too much! She wanted to make an informed decision before the pain became too blinding to think properly or the tumour pressed into her brain and she lost who she was and what she wanted. Towards the end, if she stayed here, she'd be so doped up on morphine and a cocktail of drugs just to dull the pain that she'd be lucky to recognise her own mother. No, that's *not* how she wanted to go.

She could not stand to be in the hospital anymore, she would *not* die here. She wouldn't! She knew they'd all be dissapointed in her but she told herself she was allowed to be selfish in her death. To try and make her death as mentally painless as possible.

The hospital walls felt like they were closing in on her, the powdery green pressing in on her small body. The papery itchy hospital gown felt heavy on her body somehow, perhaps because she knew it would be the last thing she would ever wear. After she was gone an orderly would peel the dirty pale pink off of her unrecognisable body, it would be covered in the stench of death and stained with all manner of body fluids, the vomit she'd been too tired to make it to the bathroom to expel, the blood from her nosebleeds would be a rusty brown against the baby pink, her body would relax her bowels and bladder upon her death adding to the stench that would come off of her rotten decaying body. The orderly would cut it off of her grotesque dead body and throw it in the incinerator. He'd wheel her naked and disgusting into the cool morgue, not caring who she was nor how she may have lived. Nor would he care that she had once had hopes and dreams, had longed and yearned for things. No, she would just be another body to sponge down, a hunk of flesh to work on before the coroner got there. She wanted to die at home. She wasn't sure why it mattered so much but the thought of the hospital room being the last thing she ever saw made her feel even more sick. It shouldn't matter so much to her where she died but it did.

She wanted her own clothes and her bed, to be surrounded by the smell of her home instead of the sickening smell of chemical cleaner that burned at her nose in the overly warm hospital room. To be somewhere cosy, somewhere that she felt shielded from such pain. Somewhere that death wasn't thrust down her throat at every available moment. To be comforted by her homes familiarity and to drift from this life with dignity. She could only pray that Mulder would understand it, that he would support her in her decision and help her talk to her mum about it.

"Take me home" She told him. She was worried that he'd try and talk her out of it, she knew he'd never actually say no to her, never deny her something, especially now. He very rarely gave her a definitive no and she felt a tiny stab of guilt for playing on his need to allow her things, for playing his emotions against him. She needed him in her corner now though and she gave him her best begging look, allowing herself to show him her emotions, to let him see her exhaustion and desperation, her self-pity and her searing sorrow. She very seldom let him in that deeply but she gave in then, she rationalised that since her days were numbered it was okay to lean on him as she had so often wanted to. 

"Have you spoken to your doctor about going home?" Mulder asked. He'd been taken aback by the unguarded fear and desperation in her eyes but he still wanted to be sure she knew just what she was asking for. She'd have to stop all of her treatments unless she wanted to travel back and forth which he doubted she would. 

"Not yet. I, I wanted to talk to you first. To see if you..." She trailed off and he reached for her hand again, trying to encourage her, she gripped it with a strength he didn't think she'd have.

"I want you to stay with me, Mulder." She told him and he knew the implications of her words. She wanted him with her to look after her, to care for her as her body gave up on her. Their deaths would become further entwined that way, he thought, they'd be found together, her laying withered and hollow and him embracing her frail corpse with a bullet wound to the head. Some sick twist on Romeo and Juliet, a perversion of the happiness love should bring. 

"I'll always stay with you, Scully" He told her heavily, with a sinking heart. He wasn't sure if he had the strength to watch her demise so closely, if he could witness her pain first hand but he would. He would do whatever she needed and a small part of him felt privileged to be the one she would ask to spend her last days with.

"I need for you to help me talk to my mum. To make her see that I want to be at home when... I..." She trailed off again. The word 'die' getting caught like tar in her throat and forcing a sickening wet cough from her throat. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth on impulse and it came away red. Her other hand gripped Mulder's tightly, her eyes bulging and her mouth down turning. 

"Shit, Scully. I'll go get someone" He told her and made to leave.

"No" She told him through wheezing coughs and spatters of blood. Her nose trickled with blood too, now. A bright crimson flood against her ashen skin. "It's okay. It'll stop" She told him in a whisper and Mulder passed her some tissues from the box by her bed.

Scully took the offered tissues and dabbed at her nose. She didn't want to let go of Mulder's hand, to release the tether that bound her to the earth, so she tried awkwardly and unsuccessfully to wipe her hand clean on them once her nose stopped gushing. 

Mulder got more tissues once the ones she'd had were stained with rusty dark globs and smears of bright red, old blood and new swirling into a sickening artwork on the white tissue. He gently pushed her hand down, palm facing up. Her life line looked long and unbroken, blood filling the crease. He swallowed deeply and wiped over her hand, cleaning the life force that had spilt there. Scully watched him the whole time and he felt her eyes on his but didn't dare met them for fear that his own would send his tears skittering down his face.

"I don't think you should leave the hospital" He told her once he'd cleaned her hand. She let go of his again, it was too painful to keep a hold of him when he was so willing to let her go, to leave her death as someone else's problem, anyone else's. How dare he say that, to her. After all they'd been through, after the countless times she'd put her life on the line for him, all the endless searches she'd went on, all the times she'd let him lean on her. 

"If you won't come with me then I'll go alone" She told him in a somber tone. Her mind was made up and they both knew there was no pulling Scully away from such a solid desire, no calling her down from a ledge if it's what she'd decided.

"Okay, I'll come with you." He told her eventually. He sounded reluctant even to his own ears. He wasn't reluctant to stay with her, not at all, but he wasn't fool enough not to know what it meant when a terminally ill person stopped treatments and left the hopital. She breathed a sigh of relief and he heard it.

"Thank you" She said in a whisper, her voice a light sound but holding such heavy weight.

"I'll go get you're Mum and talk to the doctor. I'll be back in a while." He told her. He kissed her forehead without meeting her eyes, he couldn't stand to look at her empty gaze riddled with guilt and grief. He wanted out of the room, away from the heavy atmosphere and their conversation. He didn't look back as he pulled his lips away and fled the pale green room


	2. Chapter 2

Mulder found Scully's doctor first and told him of her wish to go home. The doctor didn't disagree, he obviously knew that she was on her way out and should be comfortable. He did mention a care home, a hospice that Mulder knew Scully would never go to. He clapped a hand on Mulder's shoulder at the end of their conversation, clearly noticing the pain he was in and told him all anyone could do now was make her comfortable and her medication could be handled at home to make that possible. He was essentially confirming what Scully had told Mulder, she was dying and she may as well be at home when she did. 

The doctor went to Scully's room, leaving Mulder to fetch her Mother, to bring her to the room and hear her daughters decision. He felt like he was somehow about to drag a lamb to slaughter, to deliver a mother to the scene of her dying child was a horrid thought and he felt his stomach roll as the elevator dropped floors.

He found Maggie sitting alone in the cafeteria, a far off look in her eyes. She looked lost in the sea of empty plastic chair's, a reflection of how her life seemed to be going. All the seats in the room emptying, it's previous occupiers never to return and her left there alone, left longing for her call to leave the soulless room, to join those she'd lost. 

She jumped up and walked toward him when she caught him looking at her. The slightly hopeful glint in her eye's disappeared before she'd even reached him, clearly having seen the broken shadow of Mulder made her realise something bad was happening. She quickened her pace. 

"Is she ok?" She asked him quickly when she reached his side. He rubbed at the day old stubble on his check, taking small comfort in the dull dragging burn it gave his hand.

"She's fine. She's just fine" He assured her. She exhaled a loud breath and he worried for a moment that she was going to collapse. Instead she started walking to the elevator briskly, desperate to return to the side of her daughter. She didn't know how much time she'd have with her so every second, ever moment seemed too precious and fragile to let go by. Mulder followed at her heels, followed her back to the place he'd left his heart. 

No words passed between the two of them, nothing could bring either comfort anyway, their words would have been hollow and meaningless so they didn't bother to try. 

The ride in the elvator made Mulder feel like he couldn't get a clean breath in his lungs. The air felt heavy, dense with the unspoken fear they shared. Both of their world's changing, altering to an empty agonising pain.

They made it to Scully's room and found her doctor there. Whatever he had been telling her trailed into nothingness as he saw the two of them at the door. They both walked in and Mulder let Maggie have the chair.

"What's going on?" She asked Scully, before she could answer her Mother, Maggie had already turned to meet the eyes of her doctor "Are you arranging another treatment?" She asked and everyone in the room heard the desperate hope in her voice. 

"I'm afraid not, Mrs Scully. Dana and I were discussing her options and we both feel that her pain can be managed at home from now on" He told her slowly. Mulder and Scully would both be eternally grateful that the doctor took some of the weight off of her tiny shoulders by adding himself into her decision. She could surely not bare the weight of her Mother's disappointment, her petite body could handle no more guilty weight.

The doctor's eyes feel on Scully and Mulder could see the pain in them. How awful must it be, he wondered, to see so many hundreds of people pass through rooms just like this, there lives in his care and to very seldom see them walk out again, cured of the evil invasion possessing their bodies. He felt for the man briefly, he understood the impossible longing to make the hurt stop, to somehow heal the curse cast on the poor soul.

"But... I mean, there has to be something. Something you haven't tried? Something that can help? Some..." She broke off on a sob and clutched her daughter's hand, her head pitched forward to Scullys breast and Scully clutched at her in comfort. Mulder felt like an invader, spying in on such a delicate, private moment between mother and daughter. He cast his eyes to the opposite wall, he noted that the doctor looked away too. Both of them outsider's in the moment, undesired witness's to Maggie Scully's heart ache.

"It's okay, Mum. I'm okay with it" Scully lied to her Mother in a soothing whisper and kissed her head. It wasn't how it was meant to be, a mother wasn't meant to outlive her child, she wasn't supposed to bare witness to the destruction of the life she'd created, it wasn't the natural order of things. 

"I'll just go over the medication with Mr Mulder and give him everything you'll need Dana" The doctor told her. Maggie's open sobbing broke Mulder's heart and he was glad of the doctor's excuse to leave the room. He wished so much that he could go back in time, scare off that little spy, save her from all of this pain, save them all from it. Her brother was right, it wasn't worth it. 

Scully nodded over her Mother's head. She offered Mulder a small shy reassuring smile. She hated this, hated the pain she was inflicting on everyone around her, hated the unguarded fear in her mother's eyes that she'd never seen before. She had to stay strong in her choice though, she knew if she showed even the slightest bit of hesitation that they'd try and convince her to stay, to become a sorry shell of who she really was in the stifling room, to die there.

Mulder listened harder than he ever had before to the doctor's directions for her pain medication. He listened to how the slow release oxycodone made her constipated so she had to be sure to take her stool softener, Miralax. They would also make her slightly dizzy and they often made her sick so they should be taken with food to protect her stomach a little. Then there was an antidepressant, Amitriptyline, that she had to take three times a day to help her sleep and manage her anxiety. Mulder never thought he'd be having a conversation with someone about Scully needing a laxative. It upset him even more than he thought it would. It wasn't enough that she was in pain all the time? The only slight relief she was granted made it difficult for her to even go to the bathroom without a problem. He cursed silently at her God, how could He stand by and watch someone who loved him so much suffer such pain?

"Now, be sure she doesn't miss a single dose. Her pain is much more manageable when she takes the oxycodone every twelve hours. She built up to it when taking it for breakthrough pain so it is nessasary. If she experiences any breakthrough pain now even while taking it then you can give her 10mg of Hydromorphone in pill form. I'll write everything down for you too and I'm a call away if you have any questions." He broke off and gave Mulder a pointed look. "Call for anything at all" He told him. Mulder just nodded, feeling as though he may just as well have said 'sorry for your loss' to him instead of doling out coffin nails. The doctor gave him a sad smile and told him he'd get the nurse to pack up the drugs she'd need. He left him standing there to go in search of the nurse. Mulder was alone, so very alone. 

Mulder got back to Scully's room to find her sitting by herself, Mrs Scully was nowhere to be seen.

"She needed to go home. She's looking after her neighbours dog." She told him and Mulder could tell even Scully didn't believe her Mother's flimsy lie. She just didn't want to see Scully wheeled out of the hospital, legs covered by a woolen blanket and Mulder pushing the too light wheelchair. She didn't want to stay for it, to watch her daughter breathe in her last lung full of outside air, to see her take her last untainted look at the clouds, no window's to mar their fluffy perfection. He just nodded his head, knowing that she needed him to believe her Mother's lie.

A nurse came bustling in after a few moments of deafening silence. She was dressed in light green scrubs, more sick green. He'd never look at green the same way, it's pretty soft baby colour would forever remind him of misery and death, attached for eternity to this hospital and the reaper that lingered there.

"I've got all you're medication here, honey" her voice was overly bouncy and fake in her attempt to bring cheer to the dead room. 

Mulder took the large cream paper bag from her "thanks" He muttered as he took it. It felt heavy in his arms and he had the brief curiosity as to how heavy or light it would feel when the fates sister severed Scully's thread on this life.

The nurse smiled at him.

"Can I go now?" Scully said, already making a valiant effort to push the smothering blankets off of her.

"Woah, Scully. Calm down." Mulder rushed to her side, her legs poking out from the blanket. She made to get down but her legs wouldn't support her, the muscles long since given up. He grabbed her, picking her up effortlessly and putting her back on the bed.

"It's okay. I'm fine!" She told him in a voice that seemed too big for her small body and pushed him off of her.

"I'll just go and get you a wheelchair, Miss Scully." The nurse told them, an excuse to get out of the room and away from a feisty, ready for a fight Scully.

"Just take it easy, okay" Mulder told her and stood next to the bed like a prison guard making sure she couldn't leave.

Scully felt like now that the door was open for her she wanted to run, to escape before anyone could call her back, before Mulder could change his mind. She couldn't be still in that bed any longer!

"Here we go" The nurse said wheeling in the metal wheelchair. "Will you manage from here?" She asked, not sparing Scully so much ad a glance, talking as though she wasn't even in the room. Mulder felt a flash of anger pulse through him, she spoke as though Scully was just some burden to be handled, a problem she couldn't wait to wipe her hands of and assumed he felt the same. He just nodded.

Scully beamed at him with excitement Mulder could only liken to a child's face on Christmas day. She was getting to leave, to wave goodbye to the God awful place, to never again have to stomach the overly stuffy warmth of her room. 

"Take this off" She told him, holding out her arm. The hospital bracelet hung from her thin wrist, a prison shackle reminding her that she was marked for death, reminding her she was a prisoner in the stifling place. Now that she was leaving the prison of the hospital she wanted the shackle off, wanted rid of the physical reminder.

Mulder reached over and easily snapped it off. She gently caressed over the space it had been, smiling gently the whole time. It had felt like a tonne weight and she felt light and floaty without it. It held the weight of death and she felt free without it.

He didn't want to have to remind her to put on clothes, didn't want to crush the excitement on her face. It lit her eyes up again and he could see a glimpse of real Scully in the sapphire of her eyes, the sparkle flowed in them like the sun's rays hitting the ocean. He couldn't let her leave without any though, she'd be pissed at him after. After what? His mind asked. He ignored the voice.

"Do you want me to ask her back to help you change?" Mulder asked her. She frowned at the floor.

"You can help me if I need it" She told him dismissively with a shrug of her shoulders. He felt his head spin, she didn't care if he saw her naked? He wasn't sure how to process that information. Was her dignity already gone? Did she see her body in all its frailty as no longer really her's, just a semi permanent shell binding her soul here, had she already left in her mind? Already died? Or was it that she trusted him enough to see her with clinical detachment? To ignore his obvious feelings for her, to push aside his desire for her regardless of how sallow her body became or, perhaps, she was starting as she meant to go on? Letting him know the full extent of what he would have to deal with towards the end.

He packed up all of her belongings and she sat in the bed instructing him as he went. She told him to keep out certain things, her clothing for the day. He found a small stuffed fox and knitted his eyebrow's together in question.

"Put that on the top" She told him and he quickly turned around as she pulled off her hospital gown right in front of him. He wanted to stare, to take in every single inch of her and lock it in his memory but he'd control himself, stop his perverted impulses. He didn't plan on seeing her naked unless absolutely nessasary. He found it almost humorous that fate saw fit to dangle what he wanted most in the world before him, to give him the option of seeing her naked, perhaps even touching her. It was equal parts cruel and wonderful.

"You can turn around now, Mulder" She said in a weary voice. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to look at her, at the repulsive way her skin clung to her bones, it still hurt a little though. She wished he would see passed all of this, see her soul and love her all the same. 

Yes, she knew he loved her, just as she was sure he knew how much she loved him in return. It was unspoken but there all the same. In every glance, every touch, every moment they put themselves on the line for each other. It crackled the air around them and screamed to be vocalised. She did want to tell him, wanted to give voice to the emotions she'd never felt before, she didn't want to be one of those people that waited for death before they admitted to things though so she wouldn't say the words. He *knew*, that would have to be enough

Mulder turned slowly around to see her sitting with loose clothing on, they'd probably fitted her when she'd first come in but now they hung like clown clothing over her. She hadn't put her socks on yet, the effort of reached so far down a daunting prospect that she knew would exhaust her and she was already tired just from putting the rest of her clothes on. 

He took her socks without a word and pulled them up over her bony feet. He smiled at her red toe nails, a remnant of the woman she was, the one trapped deep inside of her. He glanced up to her to tell her a joke but it died in his throat. She was gazing at him with her eyes at half mast, her head lolling to the side, falling asleep. The excitement of the day clearly taking it out of her. He remembered a time, not so long ago, when Scully was so filled with energy that she could hardly sit still. It shattered him all over again to realise how different she was. How far this Scully was removed from the mirror one.

"You rest and then we'll take you home when you wake up, okay?" He told her in a quiet voice, pulling the covers around her and tucking them in.

Her eyes snapped open and he felt her whole body jolt.

"No." She panicked. "Take me home, now!" She begged. She just felt so tired, so very tired! She wanted to go home though. She begged her body to pump just a little bit more energy into her cells. Just a tiny bit more, enough to get her home. Her eyes kept fluttering, her body winning out over her mind and pulling her into sleep. Normally she welcomed sleep, back when they were on cases she couldn't get enough of it, she loved flopping down into her bed at night, she took as much as she could get, never knowing when Mulder would rouse her for some wild goose chase or another but now she hated herself for it. "No!" She said again and jolted even harder, refusing to give into pain free slumber. She fumbled momentarily at the blankets Mulder had tucked in too tight. Then she was trying to spring up. 

Mulder, her prison guard, quickly got the wheel chair, he knew he couldn't stop her. She'd get out of that hospital whether he helped or not. 

"Easy, Scully." He said as he hooked his arms under her bony ones and she flopped heavily into the chair. He wondered whether he should strap her in with the buckles but went against the idea, she'd hate the confinement. "There we go" He said once she was settled in. 

She felt anger burn behind her eye's giving voice to her headache. She didn't know if she could stand him treating her like a child, acting as though she was about to break any given second. She rubbed at the painful spot between her eyebrow's. 

"Can you get me a pill?" She asked. She could handle the pain but she knew it was easier to prevent the pain from getting to full scale screaming and burning agony than to calm it once it got there. 

Mulder said nothing to her. The reality of everything once more seeping into him. She was in pain, she was exhausted, she was... dying. He kept trying to take it at tiny baby steps, to not look past the exact moment he was in but seeing her there, small and asking him to help her clenched at his heart.

He passed her one of the Hydromorphone pills intended for breakthrough pain and gave her some water to take it. His hand went to the back of her neck to help her head back up from the tilt she'd given it to down the pill. She didn't need his hand to help, not yet anyway but he wanted to be sure she need never ask for such a thing. 

"All set?" He asked her and slung her bag over his shoulder. She didn't answer but he went anyway.

Scully didn't want to talk, the mere thought of opening her mouth seemed exhausting and she had her teeth gritted against the pain, if she opened them she feared she'd scream at the searing agony that was now starting to consume her. It always amazed her how quickly a dull throb could turn into such pain so quickly. The pill would kick in soon and help her through it, she knew it would, any minute now she'd be floating on a soft cloud of pain free bliss. She both loved and hated it. Loved the moments of floating euphoria the pills gave her but absolutely hated not being grounded, not feeling like herself, being out of control, making her too light to remember anything else but the joyful calm coursing through her.

Mulder wheeled her out of the hospital without incident. It felt like he was about to take part in a horrible kind of parallel to what they always did together. Riding in a car to so many different places, his heart wept with the knowledge that this would probably be their last car ride together.

"Hey, Scully?" He said trying to break the silence as they got nearer to his waiting car.

"Mhm?" She replied. Her mind already feeling the familiar weightlessness but clinging to her awake reality. 

"Think we can manage a wheelie in this thing?" He asked. He wouldn't do it, he'd never tip her back in fear that it would upset her delicate stomach. He pretended that he would though and it earned him a small grin from her. She seemed to be feeling better but her eyes held a very far off look, her pupil's tightly constricted into little pin pricks of black, tiny chips of coal, making her eye's look almost entirely cobalt blue. She flopped her head around a little in the chair. 

"I better not or I bet that chippy nurse would hunt me down" He told her and she giggled. Under any other circumstances he'd have relished that giggle, that heart warming sound, like bells tickling, such a girly sound to be coming from her. So sweet. But this wasn't a normal situation and he knew she was flying high already and half doped out of reality. Those pills were pretty damn quick at kicking in, he thought.

He put the breaks on the wheelchair and opened the passenger door of the car. Scully sat practically unconscious in her seat, spaced out beyond recognition. He tossed her bag in the back and wondered again at why she had a stuffed toy fox. He didn't want to believe it had something to do with him but for some reason it felt like it did.

"Let's get you in and buckled up" He said as he picked her up. Her weight hardly even registered with him, she was so thin, light as a feather...it terrified him. He got her in and buckled, she just grumbled and her head lolled about on her neck. He got the door closed with one last look at her drifting eyes. 

Once he got in behind the wheel, he tucked an erant strand of red hair behind her ear. She opened her eyes.

"Shh... it's okay. Go to sleep. Get some rest, Scully" He said to her. She snapped awake and looked panicked and confused.

"Where's my fox? Need, need it. Need it for sleeping!" She blethered and then huffed out a high sleepy sigh as tears filled her eyes. "I just want my fox!" She cried out like a terrified sleepy child, thick tears filling her too blue eyes and sliding down her cheeks. 

Mulder was startled at her behaviour. He knew drugs were unpredictable at best but to see her go from a giggle to a sob in less than five minutes caught him short. The doctor had briefly mentioned confusion being a side effect as well as sleeping on and off. Oh, Scully, he thought in empathy as tendrils strangled his heart.

"It's okay, shh... I'll get your fox. It's okay, Scully" He told her and reached back to the bag and fumbled for the fox, glad she'd told him to out it on top. He got a purchase on the dog eared thing and passed it to her. She snatched it and hugged it close. He heard her mumbling to it but couldn't make out a word of the garbled conversation she was having with the stuffed animal. 

She fell asleep not long after he started driving. The fox nestled close to her heart


	3. Chapter 3

They pulled up to her apartment complex and he gazed at her sleeping form. Sorrow and love filling his heart in equal measure.

"We're home, Scully" He said and felt a little shocked at how easily the word 'home' fit, it felt like a home to him already, he supposed it was now that he'd never sleep anywhere else. He'd be there with her until they both died. Instead of filling him with sadness it felt oddly warming, spending so much time with her, living their last moments together comforted his soul. Just him and her for the rest of their short lives. Scully stirred very slightly, an oddity in itself since she was normally such a light sleeper. 

"Come on, Scully. We're home. Time to wake up" He told her and he saw her eye's fluttering as she fought to haul herself up through the pull of sleep to conciousness.

"Mmm..." She mumbled and blinked several times "I'm still tired, Mulder" She admitted sheepishly, still half asleep. Scully had absolutely no recollection of how she had gotten there. She tried to fit the bits together but huge chunks of black unconsciousness ruined her memory. All she knew was that she was with Mulder and she was outside of her home, it was all that mattered. He'd taken her home, just like she knew he would. She felt her complete adoration for him flow through every cell in her body, she'd known he'd help. He was the only one in her life that would, that *could*. 

She felt guilty that she was laying the burden of looking after her at his feet, that she had replaced the unfortunate orderly with Mulder but she couldn't think long on her guilt, she couldn't let it consume her when she had so little time left. She didn't have the time to worry over Mulder or how he would handle things. It still tickled under her skin though, begging to be paid attention to, to be thought of. 

"I know you are. Once we get inside you can sleep in your nice big bed. That sound okay?" He asked, hoping that the enticement of her bed would encourage her to make the long trip to her apartment. He'd never thought of it as a long trip before but he could see in Scully's eye's that it was the equivalent of climbing Mt Everest in her current state. She didn't say a word to him but snuggled her forgotten fox closer.

She felt so tired! Why couldn't he understand that what he wanted of her she didn't think she could do, not this time. She always did what he asked and he did the same for her but this felt impossible before she'd even moved. 

"Tell you what, let me drop your bag upstairs and I'll come back down and help you" He told her and grabbed the bag before her sleepy mind could process and argue. He gave her a last look as he closed the door as silently as he could. She was already asleep, the opiate running through her blood stream pulling her in again. 

Mulder got the keys from her bag, it felt bizarre to be entering her home without her. To enter her clean, tidy sanctuary where her presence was everywhere but she wasn't. He wondered for a moment who would find them, who would be the unlucky person to find two messy corpses in this pure place. He couldn't feel badly for whoever that would be though, guilt had no place in her home and he knew that his guilt wouldn't stop him from pulling the trigger so why think on it. 

He put the bag in her bedroom and turned down the bed, he knew it would make it easier when he put her to bed. Her smell was everywhere and he inhaled it deeply into his lungs, feeling as if it was the first real clean breath he'd managed since before being at the hospital. 

Mulder got back down to the car quickly, choosing not to linger in her refuge without her, tempting though it was. He felt as though he couldn't leave her for a second, not even to indulge in the peace found in her home. What if she needed him? What if Death came and stole her away? He didn't ever want her to be alone lest she pass away alone. No, the reaper would have to wait to claim her soul until Mulder could offer his right along side hers, until they were together. 

Scully was still deeply asleep, hugging her fox like a child. It made Mulder's stomach rise and plummet. How could someone so precious be marked for death so young? She was too pure for this world, perhaps? Too perfect and filled with too much light that her selfish God grew impatient for such an angel to return to Him. Perhaps that was why she was slipping from Mulder's desperate grasp, being pulled from him by some unseen force.

"Let's get you to bed, Scully" He said when he opened the car door. He flicked a strand of hair from her face and gently kissed her forehead. Scully didn't even stir, a soft snore coming from her, she held her fox tightly to her even in sleep.

Mulder scooped her gently up as though she was the most delicate parcel he'd ever touched, she probably was. He winced again over how tiny and frail she felt in his arms. He wished she'd do something, anything at all to let him feel like she was still there with him. It was an odd feeling to be in the presence of someone who was unconcious or asleep, like being utterly alone but yet somehow in company. Her breathing was the only thing that let him know she was really there with him. 

He managed to get her and her fox into the apartment. Negotiating the elevator with a floopy Scully in his arms had posed a few issues but luckily an old woman had assisted him. She seemed to know Scully and didn't ask what he was doing, as if she knew the situation, perhaps she did. Mulder didn't know if Scully was close to her neighbours or not. She left them with a sad parting "take care of her. I'm down the hall if you need anything" She gave him a grave look and scurried into her own apartment.

"Here we go, Scully. Nice and warm in bed." He told her as he placed her down into the bed and tucked her up. He retrieved the fallen fox from the livingroom floor. It had given up and fallen there when they'd come in, her arms too weak to keep a hold of it any longer. 

"Here's your fox. You just rest and I'll get dinner sorted" he told her. He was aware that she had no clue he was even talking to her but back when she had been abducted it had seemed like his voice had brought her back. He chose to think that's what it was anyway, chose to think his love found comfort in his voice, just as he did in her's. Sometimes it was better to believe in the impossible rather than in science as much as Scully didn't share that sentiment.

He stood for a moment, just watching her sleep. Her face still looked healthy and full, it made it easy to pretend she was going to be okay. It was so easy to fantasise, much easier than to accept the truth and he indulged in the fake happiness. 

He didn't dare to think of what lay under her covers, couldn't let himself picture her too skinny frame. He'd remember her as she was before all of this. He'd remember how toned she was from running, she'd even ran with him a few times and he savored those moments. He'd remember how ample her breasts were on her frame, how he'd fantasised about them a million times. He'd remember every single dip and swell of her body. It wasn't because she was thin that he was upset, she'd be breathtaking at any weight, it was the horror it represented. The reality that she'd never argue with him again over big foot or aliens, never present him with scientific evidence that contradicted his belief in moth men or vampires. Her frail fragility just reminded him that the end was near, that they were going to die soon. There would be no more X-files, no more searching, no more quest. No more anything. He left her bedroom quickly before the devastation could hit him full force.

He got a hold of the Gunmen on the phone and they were going to pick up clothes for him and drop them off. They didn't ask how she was, they probably knew it was too painful for Mulder to talk about. 

He started making homemade chicken and lentil soup for dinner, something light for her stomach and easy to eat but filled with some decent nutrition. Scully slept the whole time, she clearly needed it. 

It felt like he was stuck in God's waiting room, just passing through time, until the moment that she *wouldn't* wake up. He was resigned to their fates but he wasn't at all happy about it.

He finished making the soup for her, then heard a gentle knock on her front door. He turned the soup down and went to get it.

"Hey" Byers said as he opened the door for him. He looked immaculately dressed as always but his face was grave.

"Hi, where's the other two stooges?" Mulder asked and took the bag of his stuff that Byers offered.

"They're in the van downstairs" He told him. Mulder didn't ask him anything further, he couldn't stand to hear how they couldn't face the feeling of death that hung over the apartment. It was so apparent that they had chosen to stay down there incase Scully had been up and about and they'd had to make pleasantries with her, pretend they didn't all know she was dying. He didn't blame them. He understood the useless, hopelessness they were feeling. The feeling of being stuck in a never ending funeral.

"How, uh, is she?" Byers asked him. Mulder could tell he wished more than anything for Mulder to tell him she was going to be fine, some miracle had happened and she was somehow cured.

"She's asleep." They stood awkwardly for a moment. Each afraid to voice their grief but feeling it none the less. "Thanks for the stuff. Tell the guy's..." He trailed off, what could he tell them? Tell them he'd probably never see them again? Tell them he loved Scully too much to live without her? Tell them goodbye? "Well, tell them thanks too, I guess" He finished lamely. Byers just nodded and turned to leave.

"Call us for anything, Mulder" He said and gave him a small smile that didn't touch his eyes. Mulder shut the door without returning his smile. He couldn't pretend for him, all his acting skills were going to making Scully feel happy.

He scooped the soup into two bowls and headed through to her room. "Hey, sleeping beauty. I made you some soup." He said as he set the bowls down on her bedside table. He chastised himself for forgetting her Miralax and oxycodone. She was due to take them now and he felt a the strange new responsibility flow over him. He quickly went back and grabbed them.

"Come on, wakey wakey, Scully" 

"Hmm... 'm wake." She said and started slowly pulling herself upright, it looked like a feat in and of itself. He helped her up without her even needing to ask. He wiped her sweaty hair from her face, she gave him a smile, teeth and everything, he couldn't look away for a moment. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked her, his voice low, almost a whisper.

"Tired" She said sadly. "What time is it?" She asked. Suddenly her nose seemed to burst, streams of thick crimson pouring out, globs of scarlet cascading down her ivory face, catching briefly on her lips. He quickly flew to the bathroom and grabbed her toilet roll. 

He got back and it was still streaming. He felt panic rush like poison rush through his veins. He prayed she wouldn't be taken now. Not now! He wanted to spend so much more time with her before she was rushed from this life. He thrust a fistful of tissues under her nose. His eyes met her wide fearful ones.

"It's alright. We'll just wait for it to stop and we'll have dinner, okay. It's alright... It's alright" He soothed. She started to cry, those perfect eyes filling with tears and falling down to mix with the blood on the tissue, it was soaked with blood and tears and Mulder swapped it for another piece. 

He wanted to take her back to hospital, every nerve in him told him to but he knew the nosebleed was to be expected and it wasn't cause he take her back there, nothing was anymore, she'd chosen her death and he could not take that choice away from her.

He stroked her hand and cheek, calming her through it. It slowed down eventually and stopped. She looked guiltily up at him. "Sorry" She mumbled and dried her eyes with the clean bit of toilet paper he offered her. She felt awful, she wondered if the guilt she felt was ever going to stop. She shouldn't have asked this much of the man she loved, shouldn't have expected him to be her carer as she died. She felt cruel but she so desperately wanted to be in her own home. She *couldn't* die in that hospital! Could she put him through this? 

She felt better, clearer than she had in awhile. Sometimes that happened after a nosebleed, it seemed to rid her of a build up of pain and confusion. She felt alot weaker though, she couldn't catch a break! It was either her body that was exhausted or her mind. Her body felt terrible now, shaky and weak as if she was getting the flu but her mind felt sharp.

"Shh... You've nothing to be sorry about. I'll be right back. I'm just going to clean up" He told her and she noticed the blood on his wrists, dribbling down his arms like false veins.

Mulder hurried to the bathroom and managed to close the door before his tears fell. Tears of fury at her God, tears of pity and sorrow. He wept for both of them. For the guilt she clearly felt and the fear they both had, for everything unsaid and all the time wasted. 

He wished he could tell her of his love for her but he knew it wasn't right. How could he tell her that when nothing could come of it? When the words would be almost meaningless and it would only make them both hurt even more. He worried she didn't feel the same but he also worried that she did. Both prospects seemed to be equally horrible. If he told her and she didn't love him she'd leave the world feeling guilt or pity for him but if she did then she'd leave feeling badly that she hadn't told him sooner, that they could never become lovers. No, he'd stay quiet in his love. He was sure she knew anyway and he also felt deep down in his soul that she did love him too. 

He cleaned his face of tears and wet a washcloth for her then schooled his features so they didn't look so upset and worried. He got back to her room and she was just sitting there. Her eyes clear of tears but drying blood sat pooled in her deep cupid's bow betraying the look of calm she presented.

"You don't have to stay with me. This was a cruel idea and I'm sorry I put you in such a position by asking you to" She said without looking at him. 

"I want to stay here, Scully. With you, always" He told her as he wiped the rusty mess from her face. "Don't you dare feel guilty. I'm honoured you asked me to." She snorted "No, honestly. I am honoured you want to spend..." He choked on the rest. He didn't want to remind them both verbally that he was spending her final days with her. She gripped his hand and caressed her thumb over it. He looked up at her and she smiled at him. Hoping her smile conveyed all that she felt. 

"So, soup? It looks homemade" She said and it sounded like she was suspicious. 

"It is. Despite what your opinion of me seems to be I can actually cook" He told her with a chuckle. She grinned and he saw the teasing glitter in her eyes. It calmed him to see it, to see that she was still well enough at this moment to make fun of him. 

Mulder dipped the spoon into her bowl and went to give it to her. 

"I can do it" She said indignantly. Mulder handed her the spoon with an apologetic look and steadied the bowl on her lap. Scully took the spoon in her tiny delicate hand and dipped it into the bowl. Mulder could see her trembling, her strength failing her over something as light as a spoon. It hit the side of the bowl with a sharp clink but she picked it up again. Her pink tongue coming out in concentration as she gripped it again. She started pulling it towards her mouth, it shook and juddered. Her face screwed up, her eyebrow's knotting together into a deep frown of frustration. Her arm gave up trying to support her hand and a spoon, it fell to the bed, spilling it's meager contents. 

"It's okay. It's okay" He said slowly, trying to sooth her. He lifted the bowl and spoon away and wiped the spill with the left over toilet roll. He chanced a glance at Scully and saw her weeping silently. He reached up and cupped her cheek, he forced her to look at him "It's okay, Scully" He told her and wiped away the tiny thin river trail her tears made.

"I'm sorry. I thought that I'd... I mean, it's easy and I can't even..." She mumbled out through tears. She cursed herself. She felt worse than a child, incapable of even feeding herself, pathetic. She felt okay in her mind but her body obviously didn't catch the memo. She hated to feel weak, like a worthless pitiful child. She'd rather be in pain that this. It was worse than it had been in the hospital, she dreaded how much worse it was going to get.

"Shh... I'll help. Don't cry. It's okay." He told her and spooned up more soup. He put it to her lips. They were so full, so bee stung, not even near death had stolen their beauty and luster. She opened them and took in the spoon. It felt oodly erotic and Mulder closed his eyes and willed himself to ignore his thoughts.

"Mmm... it tastes good, Mulder. You were right, you *can* cook." She said in a teasing tone. Her tears completely gone, her face back to its usual perfection. 

She finished off her bowl of soup quickly but by the time she had been on the last spoonful it was cold. She didn't complain at all though. Mulder actually saw her eyeing his own bowl and licking her lips but she said nothing. She took her Miralax, Oxycodone and Amitriptyline without complaint, she was used to the constant pill taking. She eyed her empty bowl and his full one again, Mulder could tell that she was still hungry. That was a odd sign wasn't it? Considering how much he knew she'd been throwing up and nauseous, maybe it was because she'd stopped her usual treatments that her appetite was coming back.

"I'll go heat you up some more, okay" He told her.

"Oh, you don't need to do that. I'm fine" She said in a small voice.

Scully had no clue where the resurgence of her appetite had come from, best not to look a gift horse in the mouth she thought. Normally she could hardly even taste anything, what she did taste was metallic and disgusting, like sucking a greasy old coin she'd found in a gutter somewhere. The soup was delicious! Far better than she remembered food ever tasting before, rich and flavourful. Who knew Mulder could cook so well, who knew Mulder could even *cook*?

"I'll go get you some" Mulder told her in a relatively strong voice, giving her no room for argument. He left and she felt herself puzzling over her new found hunger and ability to actually taste. If she'd known stopping her usual treatments would have been this good then she thinks she may have just stopped awhile ago, consequences be damned. 

It was such a normal thing to enjoy food, so mundane that it seemed almost laughable but it meant a great deal to her, it overwhelmed her with joy. This pre-death wait suddenly seemed a little lighter.

Mulder came back with two new bowls of soup, he'd heated his up again too. This time she didn't even pause to feel ashamed that he had to help her, she eagerly gulped down what he spoon fed her. It was even better warm and she told him so with a small giggle. He loved that she was giggling, it sounded even better than he remembered, without the aid of an opiate, a real true Scully giggle, it warmed his soul. He felt a gush of pride that she liked his soup and he'd made her giggle a little. 

Once she'd finished he started on his. She still felt *so* tired again. She just wanted to sleep, it made her feel so angry that even in her race towards the inevitable she was so tired. Stealing the little time she had left, lulling her into an unconscious world, like a weird taste of the infinity death would bring. 

Another feeling outshone it at that moment though. She needed the toilet, desperately. She shifted her hips, the little that she could. It didn't calm down though. Her bladder felt like it was gearing up to explode. She knew she couldn't make it on her own considering she couldn't even hold a damn spoon. It was surprising how little strength she had already, she had felt stronger in her hospital bed, hadn't she?

"Mulder..." He glanced up. "Could you, um, help me to the bathroom?" She asked in a meek voice, a sickening shameful feeling pulsing through her. 

"Ofcourse" He said and put down his empty bowl. He chastised himself that she'd even had to ask. He should have taken her before she'd got the the point where she needed to ask. He'd remember to ask her in the future, what little of the future there was. 

Mulder scooped her up in his arms and took her to the bathroom. He put her on her unsteady feet, not sure what to do. 

"Do you want me to um..." He trailed off unsure of what to do. He knew she probably wouldn't manage to pull down her trousers and underwear while trying to stand holding on to him. She seemed utterly exhausted just trying to stay up with his help but it felt too intimate, she probably wouldn't want his hands so close to her core, might not want him to see her most private areas. 

"Mmm... Hurry." She said desperately. Her pride was already out the window, she didn't care if he saw her right now, she was literally about to pee herself. Her desperation winning out over any shame she may feel about him seeing her so intimately when she was far from her best. 

Mulder quickly undone her trousers and pulled them down along with her underwear. Scully surprised them both by turning quickly and sitting on the open toilet an instant before she started urinating. She wasn't sure where the ability to move herself had come from. Mulder turned around but she didn't seem to care what he saw. She breathed out a sigh of relief, glad she'd made it in time. 

She almost laughed at the situation. Her best friend and the love of her life having to help her use the bathroom. It was so ridiculous. 

Scully wondered over her ability to move the tiny step she needed to get to the toilet. Maybe her muscles weren't as incapable as she thought they were. When faced with the *need* to move unaided she had managed. That had to mean something, perhaps she might be able to walk before the end, the thought of it made her feel more joy than she thought she ever had, to not take death laying down, to go out fighting, it sounded wonderful. 

Before she could ask Mulder to let her try walking back to the bedroom he'd already scooped her up and flushed the toilet. She could see the very tips of his ears blushing red, that's when she remembered her pants were still around her ankles. 

He got her back to bed and retrieved her pyjamas without a word. He didn't speak even as he pulled her pants off her ankles and put on her pyjamas. He paused briefly as he slid the silk up her mid thigh. She wasn't actually as thin as he'd thought and he could feel latent muscles twitching at his touch. He had thought it so much worse but now that he let himself really see her he could see the subtle tone that still hid there, not as much as before but still very much present. He felt himself start to stiffen at the sight of her, he closed his eyes, willing himself to think of anything but her peach fuzz covered legs. She was so beautiful. He even found that she hadn't shaved in weeks a bit of a turn on, he'd oddly never seen a woman with hairy legs before. They weren't as hairy as his. The hair was thinner, softer, like baby hair. Seeing her in a natural state like that was incredible. 

"Mulder... It's okay. We're both adult's. It's natural to be, um, excited. You're going to see me naked alot and it's just something we'll have to deal with" She said quietly when she saw his erection and the way his eyes squeezed closed. 

"I'm sorry" he said. He felt so damn mad, curse his stupid male body. She was exhausted and needed help and he'd got hard. How pathetic was that.

"It's okay, Mulder. Really" She said and lifted her hips to help him pull her pyjamas up.

"How am I going to see you naked all the time?" He blurted out, then felt idiotic about it. 

"Well, you don't expect me never to bathe do you?" She asked. "I could ask my Mum to come over and help me wash if it makes you uncomfortable" She told him. He walked up the bed and pulled her top off, she hadn't put a bra on and her breasts fell forward freely as he did. He detached from the situation as much as he could and prayed his erection would calm. He quickly pulled on her top to cover her over. He wished he could cover her chest in kisses not pyjamas and he cursed himself for the thought. 

"No. I'll help you" He told her, hearing his own voice waver, an odd warble that betrayed his calm words. 

"Thanks" She said. He could see her eyelids starting to fall shut. She was far too exhausted to say anything else to him. Her mind started to calm and match her bodies weakness, the flu like feeling consuming her. Her eyelids fluttered and closed. The last thing she felt was Mulder pulling her cover over her and the whisper of a kiss to her forehead


	4. Chapter 4

Scully woke up in the early hours of the morning, the sun still sleeping but the moon causing a dull silver illumination in her bedroom. She needed the bathroom, not with any great urgency but it was enough to have woken her. She flipped her covers off of her, one easy smooth motion and twisted her legs out of the bed. Mulder stirred and it was only then that she remembered everything, the memories flooding through her sleep addled. She had cancer, she was dying, Mulder was there to care for her as she passed away. She jolted at the memory. Why the hell didn't she *feel* ill? She had been tired and broken for so long but she felt fine now. It always seemed that after being ill you forget just how amazing it is to feel well, a huge weight and fog lifted from your very soul, a simple happiness that you end up taking for granted after a time. She had even managed to get half out of bed in a haze of sleep, she couldn't remember the last time she'd moved so much without someone watching over her, spotting her lest she fall.

Scully gasped and wiggled her toes, red toenail polish glinting in the moonlight. What the hell was going on? If her mind wasn't screaming at her that she was dying and shouldn't be feeling so fine then she wouldn't even know she had cancer. The unfamiliar feeling of health flowed warmly through her, a gentle breeze on a summers day type of feeling, light and freeing, surrounding and comforting her. She remembered from her residency that many of the patients reported feeling better shortly before death, there was no scientific basis for it but perhaps that's what she was feeling. A surge before a dramatic fall, the final fall.

Scully chose to avoid thinking about it deeply. She slipped her feet down to the cool carpeted floor. When was the last time she'd felt her bedroom carpet? Warm yet cool between her toes, soft yet firm feeling at the soles of her feet, exactly as she remembered it feeling. She rubbed her toes through its familiarity, scrunching them up and catching some of it in the space between her toes. She felt a giggle bubbling up but suppressed it, it would wake Mulder if she laughed. 

She held tightly to the bed as she stood, a solid steady feature that kept her body still, it was nessasary but not as much as she thought it might be. Her legs felt able to hold her up although it ached deeply to put her full weight on them, disused month's sent the muscles panicking. She kept a hold just incase they gave out. She felt giddy at the fact that she *could* stand, although it wasn't unaided it was still a huge triumph, she tried not to fool herself though, the fall would be so much worse if she got used to this feeling of being okay.

She pushed herself up and put her hands on the wall, scraping her hand over it as she took tentative steps, like a cave diver or rock climber. Carefully and meticulously feeling out her way, finding true sure footing, edging closer to her door. Her legs felt so very heavy, like someone had turned her bones into lead. She took her time, she would do this! 

She eventually made it to the bathroom and she smiled at her victory, she felt so pleased with herself. It was such a small victory for anyone else but it was a monumental conquest for her disease ridden body. 

She managed all by herself and a huge rush of pride came over her again. She practically collapsed into the toilet, her heavy legs giving up as soon as she awkwardly wriggled her bottoms to her ankle. She had made it! 

She finished her business and felt glad that the Miralax was doing it's job properly for a change. It hadn't been working as well as it should have been. Perhaps her digestive system was telling her just how good Mulder's soup had actually been. Whatever the reason she cheered internally.

She went to stand up but instantly fell back down, her heavy legs finally giving up, screaming in protest at being expected to support her again. She felt tired and chastised herself for pushing so hard, she had been so elated but she should have taken it slower. She swithered for a while and flushed the toilet as she sat on it. 

"Mulder?!" She shouted, deciding that the shame and guilt of forcing him from a good night's sleep was worth it. She knew he'd scold her if he found her stuck there in the morning, worse still what if her life slipped away here, that thought gave her a clearer concious about waking him.

"Muld..." She went to shout for him again, before she got all of his name out he appeared at the door, dishevelled and sleep ruffled. 

"What the hell are you playing at?" He almost shouted. How could she do this? What if she'd fallen? What if she'd... the fear was almost too much to handle. How could she be so selfish? He was so angry with her, it fizzled and popped in his brain, seething rage at her selfishness.

Scully was startled. Mulder very rarely, if ever, got that cross with her. His features looked worried and so angry, his shoulders tense and his eyes dark. She couldn't make her mouth work to answer him, she suspected he didn't want an answer anyway. 

"You could have hurt yourself, Scully. Christ, anything could have happened to you" his fear punched him in the gut, a cruel, forboding feeling taking over him, replacing his anger with soul crushing concern. 

Scully felt her bottom lip quiver. Why was he so mad with her? She wanted to share her joyful success with him, instead she was left feeling ashamed of herself. She bit her lip and looked to the floor, her gaze fixated on the pyjamas around her ankles. 

"Oh, Scully" He breathed out. Guilt overriding his anger and concern, how could he stay mad at such an angel. She'd only wanted to do something everyday people took for granted, to walk to the bathroom and go in peace, to ignore deaths sickly call and take control for a brief moment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be... well... I just got worried." He smiled gently at her, trying his best to keep his eyes on hers and not stray to the inviting auburn curls peeking out from the apex of her creamy thighs. 

"I just felt like..." She blinked furiously. She smiled "I made it" she whispered in awe, she couldn't keep the pride from her shaky voice. He smiled at her, he could never be mad with her, not when she looked so pleased with herself. 

"Let's get you back to bed" He told her. He walked over and helped her stand up while he pulled her bottoms back up. She steadied herself on his shoulders as he crouched to pull them up her milky peach fuzz legs. He screwed his eyes shut as they inched upwards, the temptation to touch her almost overwhelming, his face was almost exactly at her center, he could just lean over and... 

He picked her up and carried her back through, no words passed between them as he tucked her back in bed. She was asleep by the time he got into bed beside her. He deliberated for a moment but gave in and held her, spooning her compact body with his large one, feeling heat wafting off of her.

They slept the rest of the night in that position, he was reluctant to let her go even in his sleep. 

Mulder woke up, still hugging Scully close. He bent his head a little to breath in her hair, she didn't smell as much like herself as he wished she did. The clinical stench of the hospital clinging to her, seeped into her very pores. He kissed the crown of her head gently and she hummed. He felt her petite body turn and snuggle further into him, her arms finding his waist and her face burrowing into his chest. He sighed in contentment, her tiny body pressed up against him and her red hair under his chin, she was perfect! The moment was absolutely incredible. 

He felt himself harden from a normal morning erection to full blown interest, he shifted his hips away from her, nothing would ruin this moment especily not an unwanted hard on. She'd acted as though it was just some physiological thing and it was natural to be excited, he still didn't want to be sporting a huge hard on around her. He hated the fact that males were so obvious in their desire. 

He kept his top body pressed against hers and his hips away from her. He felt her stir and pull away very slightly, catching his eyes with hers as they opened centimetres from his, their arms still wrapped around each other, she gazed at him, sleepy and soft looking, her eye's a calm tranquil blue, her lips although slightly chapped were still so inviting, a rose bud beckoning him to kiss it. She hummed again, licking her dry lips, the corners of her mouth pulling up into a small smile. He felt her hands rub gently up his back and rub soothingly at his shoulders, never breaking the contact with his eye's. He rubbed small circles at her waist, soft skin peeking out of her silk pyjama top, a delicious contrast. He felt his eye's moving of their own accord to her pouty lips again, the need to kiss her becoming almost desperate. He blinked sharply, breaking the mind melting spell, shifting his eye's hastily away from hers.

"Morning. How'd you sleep?" He asked and pulled his arms from her. She gave a small pout which she didn't let him see, reluctant to let him go but she followed suit anyway and pulled her own hands away from the small of his back and his shoulders, missing his heat instantly.

"I slept fine" She smiled "you?" She asked. She felt fine again, just as she had last night, healthy and full of life. Perhaps the reaper was giving her more time, maybe the tumour was slowing it's spread, whatever the case it filled her with a happiness she'd forgotten. It let her appreciate everything all the more. Let her truly feel the obvious moment that had passed between her and Mulder mere seconds ago. He had been about to kiss her, she knew it, the gleam in his eyes had been unmistakable. 

"Great, actually. Although I didn't care much for the middle of the night wake up" He told her. She felt shame burn her face, then she saw the glint of mischief in his eyes and gave him 'the look', eyebrow arched and lips slightly pinched. He grinned at her.

"I'll go get us some breakfast and grab your pill" She had to take her anti depressant in the morning, afternoon and evening. He got out of bed. It took a huge amount of willpower for her not to follow, she felt as though she could easily get out of bed and walk with him. She wondered again at what the hell was going on. Had being at home for less than a day somehow rejuvenated her so much? Made her body realise it should fight back? Was it Mulder's presence? What was going on?! 

"Eggs and bacon ok?" He asked her as he handed her her pill. She nodded.

"Umm... Mulder?" She paused, unsure how to ask him to let her try walking to the dinning table. He looked expectantly at her. She took her pill, giving herself more time. 

"Can I... I mean, you could help... I feel like I could... I, I already managed to get to..." She sighed realising she was stumbling around, talking in circles. "I want to walk" She said in a firm voice.

"I dunno, Scully. I... you should just take it easy. I can carry you if you want to sit in the kitchen to eat" He tried to compromise. He didn't think she would understand his reluctance but waking last night to her shouting his name, to her tiny body not being in bed beside him had sent such sheer undiluted fear rushing through his veins, turning his blood into painful acid, squeezing his heart. He couldn't tell her how much she'd scared him, both out of inability to give the terror the explanation it needed and out of fear of making her feel guilty. 

"Please" She almost whispered out. "I want to try" She wished she could adequately describe how much it would mean to her. To not face her fate laying down, to stand and stare Death right in the eye as he took her. It was something she had never considered being able to do before, now that the chance was there though she felt like she had a duty to herself to atleast try.

"Okay" He said reluctantly. She grinned. He thought it odd that she seemed to smile more now than she ever had, she seemed much less guarded in showing her emotions. Being on the edge of life must break walls down, he thought. He was extatic that he may get to leave this world with the imprint of a full beam Scully smile on his eye's.

Mulder walked around to her side of the bed. He outstretched his arms, ready to grab her should her footing fail. She flipped off the covers, took a very deep breath and used her hands to steady herself at the wall again. 

She made her way slowly but surely towards the bedroom door. Ever step seemed to invigorate her mind even more, it felt like a step towards wellness somehow. Her muscles ached and protested like they'd spent too long at the gym, nothing more than feeling very overexerted. Mulder kept his arms up, hovering around her, not touching her delicate body, centimetres away, waiting with bated breath for her to fall. She surely couldn't manage this alone.

Mulder felt shocked and strangely proud of her as they made it through the kitchen door. 

Scully flopped down on the wooden chair as soon as she could, saying she was exhausted was a gross understatement. She hadn't felt so drained since her 16 hour shifts at the hospital during her residency and then writing her senior thesis in between, she can't remember when she actually had the time to sleep back then. This feeling rivaled that and all she'd done was walk to the kitchen.

"Okay?" Mulder asked, his voice tense with worry. He could see her actually sweating, her face flushed with a rosy glow, droplets on her forehead. He didn't think he'd seen her look so pushed even when apprehending a suspect. 

"Mhm" She mumbled out. It took too much effort to speak at that moment, she needed to catch her breath first.

Mulder didn't say anything else to her and they lapsed into the comfortable silence they usually had. It warmed him to know that somethings never changed. He started making their breakfast and watched her out of the corner of his eyes. She had caught her breath and her deep flush had calmed. 

He placed her plate down infront of her, leaving his on the counter to have more space to help her eat. She furrowed her brow as he scooped up some eggs and bacon for her. He placed the fork to her mouth. She grabbed it from him and quirked her eyebrow at him. 

"I'll do it" She told him and stuffed the eggs in her mouth. He looked the way he felt, concerned. "I'm okay, Mulder, really... I feel fine. Go get yours" She told him with a small smile and an incline of her head towards his steaming plate.

Mulder pushed aside his worry and questions. He collected his plate and they ate together. They chatted easily as they did. It always seemed like eating together and often driving fueled them up into talking with each other. Never about anything serious like feelings or fears. More about past cases or what Scully's Mother was up to these days or the Lone Gunmen. The most personal thing they'd spoken about at times like this was where they would live when they retired.

Once their meal was finished Mulder automatically went to pick up Scully. She relented, knowing she'd pushed herself hard enough already.

"Do you need the bathroom?" He asked, remembering his promise to himself that he wouldn't leave her until she was desperate again.

"Yeah" She breathed, her voice holding less shame than it had before at needing his help. She suspected he wasn't exactly hating carrying her around anyway.

Mulder made it to the bathroom with her and gently let her stand. She held back a wince as her legs screamed in agony, her muscles starting to remember what to do and hating her for forcing them to do it. He pulled her trousers down again, a déjà vu feeling coming over him as he felt the familiar tingle between his legs. He put her gently onto the toilet and turned around as quickly as he could to clear his mind and stop her from seeing his all too obvious erection.

"Could you grab my toothbrush" He heard her ask after she'd finished. He closed his eye, breathed deeply and retrieved it. Passing it to her, he felt her gentle cool fingers brush his as she took it.

"Umm... I kind of need it with toothpaste" She chuckled lightly.

He felt like an utter idiot. Of course she did! What a fool. He felt a little embarrassed at what he'd done but covered it.

"You didn't say you wanted it to brush your teeth with. How am I meant to know what kinda kinky stuff you're into?" He said. His dry humor earning him an eyeroll. She thrust the toothbrush towards him and raised her eyebrow's pointedly.

Mulder got it prepared and passed it back. She started brushing her teeth sitting half naked on the toilet. Pure torture as far as Mulder was concerned. He left and got his own stuff, any amount of time away from her sexy form was definitely needed. He didn't think he'd ever get used to seeing her like that, so comfortable in her nudity. Was she simply self assured and confident about her body or had he slipped into the role of brother so seamlessly that she simply didn't think he even noticed her nudity. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

He stood infront of her bathroom mirror, a blissful feeling of domesticity all around him. The sound of them both brushing their teeth struck more of a cord with him than he thought it would. Scully seemed lost in thought. He heard her periodically spitting toothpaste into the toilet bowl. Then all sound stopped, she'd finished. She flushed the toilet and sat patiently waiting for him. 

Mulder turned and caught a breath at the sight of her. How could she still be so unbearably beautiful with her pants round her ankles, her hairy legs and sitting on the toilet with a smear of toothpaste at the corner of her mouth. It just didn't seem possible yet there she sat, a vision of perfection. She smiled at him, a sort of confused smile with a little frown, questioning his gaze. He was staring at her like she was something more precious than he'd ever seen before. It made her feel a little uncomfortable in her current state. It had been years, if ever, that a man had gazed at her in such a hungry intense way. She blinked and the look he'd had was gone. It had been there though, she was sure it had. 

Mulder crossed the small room, unwilling to stay out of her gravity any longer. She held her arms up obediently, waiting for him to pick her up again. He surprised her by very gently using some toilet roll to remove the toothpaste from her mouth. Her breath hitched and she remembered he'd done the same thing some years ago when she'd had barbecue sauce on her face. She blushed and cast her eyes to the floor, desperately ignoring the heat between them. She couldn't give into something as primal as sexual tension. She wouldn't be able to love him the way he deserved, she got tired just walking never mind making love. She wouldn't let her death be the reason they got together. If it was going to happen it should have happened a long time ago. But then she'd never made a move back then either, she reminded herself, so how could she hold that against him. She flicked her eyes back up in time to see Mulder squatting down to pull her trousers back up, her eyes never left his form.

Mulder got her in his arms again, his tiny little precious Scully package, he couldn't say he didn't like picking her up. It was nice that she have no objections to him man handling her around and taking her where ever he fancied. It showed so much trust. He'd felt the electricity flowing between them in the bathroom but she had chosen to ignore it so he did too. He wouldn't have her give him some kind of pity fuck, one of those "the world is ending so why not" kind of things. It would be incredible, he was sure, but it was not what either of them deserved so it was with a heavy heart that he ignored, as best as he could, the puffs of her minty breath on his throat as he carried her.

He deposited her softly on the bed, she moaned sadly when he pulled away. A sound she hadn't meant to make, a sound of such deep sorrow at him leaving, of such desire for his hands to be on her again. She blushed deeply and berated herself for uttering such a desperate noise. Mulder didn't notice or he atleast pretended not to.

"So... what do you fancy doing?" He asked her.

"Oh, I dunno... Hang around waiting for the Reaper, I guess" She tried to joke, it fell flat. She glanced at Mulder and saw a storm playing in his eyes. "Sorry" She said, feeling deeply ashamed of herself. "I'd like to read but I don't even know if I could hold the book" She joked again. She wanted him to smile, she loved his smiles. She was never very good at forcing jokes though, she never had been according to her old high school friend's. Sometimes she'd get it right, sometimes he'd laugh a little at her, she held those laughs close to her heart.

"I'll read to you" He said, turning to go to the livingroom

"Oh, no, Mulder. You don't need... I was just kidding" She said. 

"Nuh uh, many a truth is said in jest, Scully. So, what book?" He said back from the door frame. 

"Really, you don't need to do this for me" She tried again. The thought of Mulder's soothing baritone talking away, reading a book to her sounded wonderful but she didn't want to expect such thing's from him. He was helping her, he wasn't a slave.

"I'll choose if you dont." He threatened teasingly. 

"Moby Dick" She told him. It always seemed to be better when someone read it to her. She had read it many times herself but nothing seemed to beat Ahab reading it to her. She wanted to recapture some of that joy, to hear someone she loved and respected deeply reading it to her again. 

Mulder retrieved the book and sat next to her on the bed. He started to read, she gravitated towards him, before either knew it she was snuggled up to his side and he was sitting with an arm around her, reading the book over her head


	5. Chapter 5

He read to her for hours, never once complaining or tiring. She asked him several times if he wanted to stop and reminded him he didn't need to read for her but he kept going, hushing her when she tried to protest. What she didn't know and he didn't dare say was that reading to her was pretty damn high on his list of Scully fantasies. 

He wasn't sure why. Perhaps it is because he's never read to anyone before and he wasn't lucky enough to be read to. Hearing how much Scully and her Father had bonded through reading Moby Dick had always made him long for that closeness with her. To have her view him with the same love and respect only her Father seemed to provoke from her, to feel their relationship further entwining. He felt honoured that she let him read to her from a book that she held in such high regard. Having her there snuggled up to him was perfection. 

"Mulder..." She said when he finished a chapter.

"Mmm..." He responded. 

"Can we take a break from reading now?" She said in a quiet voice.

"Sure we can. I could bring the tv in here if you want?" He said. He was loath to leave the warmth and comfort of the bed, his very own Scully blanket cuddled up next to him.

"No. I, I want to walk again" Mulder's heart dropped. 

"Why? You've already walked this morning. Don't you think you're going to overdo it?" He said a little too sharply. He felt utter terror seeze him and it left him little room to sugar coat anything. 

"Well, I won't know that I've overdone it until I do, will I?" She teased him a little, hoping her poor attempt at humour could lighten the mood he was clearly in. He just groaned a little. 

He had mentally prepared himself to clean up vomit and any other bodily fluids, to feed her, to carry her everywhere, to put her to bed, to give her her medication and then he'd even tried to prepare for bathing her. He had not, however, prepared for watching her hurt herself by being too bull headed and typical Scully stubborn. He sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with her about it. She could never be talked out of anything.

"Where?" He asked. He didn't see why she had to walk anywhere. Surely most people would relish having someone at their beck and call, staying in a warm bed and shouting order's, trust Scully to be so independent. Then again he doubted he'd want her any other way, not really, although it frustrated the hell out of him.

"Just to the livingroom and around, then we can come back here." She said. She hadn't moved off his chest and he hadn't made any movement at all in fear of reminding her she was in his arms. He was silent as he mulled over what she said and let her comfortable weight truly register and ease his mind. She took his silence as reluctance. "There's alot of stuff I can hold on to and you'll be beside me the whole time." She pressed, hoping to assuage his obvious fear.

She felt him nod and smiled fully. She realised in that instant that she had somehow ended up embracing him as he'd read. She quickly pulled her arms away as though he was a fire, beautiful and warm yet untouchable. Mulder took that as his cue to disengage from her, her small warm body pressed tightly against his had been wonderful and feeling her heat slowly disappearing as they moved apart was heartbreaking.

Mulder moved around to her side again to take up the same position as before. However before he even got there she was already standing, clutching the wall, a grin on her face. He was about to scold her for being so impatient and potentially hurting herself but he caught sight of her breathtaking eyes, shinning with complete joy, and he knew he couldn't tell her to stop doing anything that made her look like that.

"'Kay, I'm good" She smiled at him. She felt so much better, her muscles still groaned a little but they seemed to be getting the hang of things again. The ache wasn't as bad, easier to ignore. It was tiring but she wanted to do it more than anything she'd ever wanted. She took a deep breath through her nose, steadying herself, clean familiar smelling air filling her lungs, an easy carefree feeling filling her along with the air. She took her hands very slowly away from the wall, knowing Mulder would catch her if she should falter. She felt strong and capable again, she knew she could handle some unaided steps. Mulder shoot his arms out, surrounding her but not touching her, he knew she was trying to manage alone, he felt like he was trying to still the very air around her, to keep any miniscule currents in the air from pulling or pushing at her small body. 

"I can do this" Scully said and it was obvious to Mulder she was speaking to herself, reassuring herself. She puffed out a breath through pursed lips. She took a shaky step toward the livingroom and then another and another. No words passed between them as she made her way very slowly buy surely to the livingroom. They got there, together. 

Mulder was sure he looked ridiculous, slightly squat, arms in a wide circle inches from Scully and a look of worry and love plastered on his face. 

"I need to sit down" Scully told him breathlessly. She felt herself getting shakier, her legs trembling and feeling heavier with each step. She probably had overdone it a little but she simply didn't care. She had walked twice now today, a feat that she was absurdly proud of. She just wanted a little breather, a break for her muscles and then she'd do it again. 

Mulder steered her towards the couch, his arms practically touching her now, leading and helping her. She dropped to the couch with a contented sigh and a smile.

"Thank you" She said sincerely and he smiled at her. Her eyes blinked a few times, she looked exhausted! He'd never seen her so drained, never. 

"I'm going to start on lunch. Any requests?" He asked her but she'd already fallen asleep, huddled up like a sick child. Mulder gazed at her for a few moment, took in her perfection and the gentle flush of exertion on her cheeks. 

He startled when her face screwed up like she was about to cry. She uttered one heart breaking word "Fox". It sounded more like a sob, a heart wrenching noise, something that should never come out of her mouth. He'd almost forgotten all about the scabby stuffed fox. He wondered again at its origins and what it represented to Scully. He walked back to the bedroom and retrieved it.

When he got back she hadn't even moved, sat still and asleep, like a perfect living little China doll. He moved her down gently until she was lying on the couch and then pulled a throw over her. 

"Here's you're fox, Scully" He told her as he tucked it in beside her.

"Hmm..." She smiled in her sleep and snuggled the fox deeply. Mulder wished he had the courage to ask her why that stuffed animal was so important to her. He'd broach the subject with her when she woke up if he could find some bravery. He didn't want to leave this world not knowing why she loved it so much. 

Mulder placed a tiny chaste kiss on her forehead, tasting the slight twang of salt from her cooling sweat. He blinked back tears and cleared his vision. It hit him, once again, like a truck that these were their end of their days. He wished for so much more for her! He wished for so much more for both of them. 

He started making food in the kitchen. He paused while making her a sandwich to wonder about how easy it would be to eat. She'd managed the soup fine but he didn't know how a sandwich would be for her digestive system. He made sure he put plenty of salad with the chicken and used seeded bread, that should be enough fibre, shouldn't it? He marveled once more at how his thoughts had changed from aliens and conspiracies to simply ensuring Scully was as comfortable as she could be when going to the toilet. It baffled his mind.

He sat and ate his own sandwich at the kitchen table, letting Scully sleep a bit longer. She seemed to need it and he was loath to pull his angel from slumber. While he ate he let him mind run through every single moment they had shared since they came home. He let the inevitable tears fall. The ones he couldn't shed in her presence. She had more than enough to deal with, she didn't need to comfort him in his guilty sorrow. He wept for all that he was losing, for all the things he'd taken away from her, for the light he felt he'd taken from the world, selfishly hidden the world brightest light in a dank basement with him, Scully. Huge wracking sobs that shuddered his body over his love for her and, most of all, for the cruel departure from this world that they both faced. 

His tears eventually dried and he wiped the traces away from his cheeks. He got her sandwich and went back through to his light.

"Wake up, Scully. Lunch is here" She woke up almost instantly and moved to a seated position before he could ever register how quickly she'd woken up. It was a shock to him, she seemed like her normal self in that moment. Was he just seeing what he wanted?

"What'd you make?" She asked.

"Chicken salad sadwiches. That okay?" She smiled and nodded. He sat down beside her and ripped off a bit of sandwich. He placed it at her mouth.

"I can manage, Mulder" She told him. She felt unwilling to have his fingers graze over her lips as he fed her and she was strong enough to do it alone anyway, she felt.

She knew if his fingers touched her lips she wouldn't be able to stop herself and her body from responding. She'd suck his finger in, flick her tongue softly over it at first, curl her tongue around it and probably end up moaning and bobbing her head. It was far too tempting! 

She ignored all of those stupid lusty thoughts, they were unfair to both of them. It was so hard not to want him though, to love him. He would probably relish in her touch, she thought, and that made it all the harder to stop herself. Knowing he would want her to do it. 

She grabbed the bite of sandwich from his fingers popped it into her mouth. She was met by wide, almost shocked, eyes. She felt badly for a moment, he was just trying to help her and she'd let an inappropriate desire rule her and been overly hasty in grabbing it from him.

Mulder tried not to pounder on why she'd basically jerked away from his touch. 

"I'll go get your pill" He told her hastily, wanted to get over his childish upset alone for a moment. He stood to leave, not meeting her eyes. Guilt stabbed at her, she'd obviously hurt him badly, offended him. She grabbed his hand as he retreated, he stopped.

"Thank you" She said, forcefully meeting his eyes with hers, deep forest meeting sea blue.

He gave her a smile and left to get her anti depressant. When he came back she finished half the sandwich already, he again felt shocked at her appetite. It was probably because she had hated the hospital food, that made sense, he thought. 

"Why do you have a stuffed fox?" He blurted out once he sat down. He immediately felt like an idiot for just asking out of the blue. He'd been trying to come up with a way to ease into it. That had gone out the window and he cursed his own over eagerness. 

She stared at him as she chewed a bite of sandwich, waiting to eat it before she answered. Faced with the fathomless depth of her eyes he didn't know if he wanted to know or more accurately if *she* wanted him to know. The cloudless sunny blue sky that looked into his eyes and his very soul made him worry that he shouldn't even have asked. She swallowed and he felt it thud through him like a heart beat. Would she answer?

"It was an inside joke between me and my sister. It was the last thing she bought me before..." She broke of with a sad smile. He wanted to push, to ask what the joke was. Was it about him? Was that egotistical? Instead he just returned her sad smile. He couldn't think of a single thing to say to her, saying sorry about her sister just didn't cut it. He felt a huge empty, craggy, void being gashed out of him. Guilt and grief warred in that black hollow space. 

"Here's your pill" He said, passing her it once she'd finished her lunch. She took it and he smiled a little at the grossed out face she made over it.

"Do you need the bathroom?" He asked her, it was so strange to have to think of when someone else might need to go, hard to keep an eye on her bodily needs when she didn't say. 

"Not right now. I'll probably need by the time I walk there though" She said, a light giggle escaping her. He felt so exasperated with her need to walk everywhere but who was he to deny a dying woman's wish. It was getting easier to watch her struggle and she did seem to be getting steadier on her feet.

Scully felt as though each and every single time she walked she was getting better at it. She'd never expected this. She had expected to be so frail and broken that she wouldn't even be able to get out of bed. She felt like crying with joy at how unbelievable it was. Feeling the floor beneath her feet was such an indescribable feeling, one that she hoped she'd never take for granted. 

"Can you help me up?" Scully asked. She knew her legs were not capable of heaving her out of the couch. The bed was higher so that was easier to get out of. She hadn't managed to get off the toilet yet either but she was sure she'd make it atleast once before the inevitable.

Mulder was slightly confused about the fact that she seemed to be getting better not worse. He was so sure she'd have been so much worse, would have needed his help more. She did still need him but she seemed to be getting stronger. It was so strange! He was completely lost at sea about it but then he'd never watched as someone eluded the Reaper before. Is that what it was? Just getting a bit better as she ran from him but eventually he'd catch her, steal her away. He didn't want to dwell on it and hope for the impossible, hope she'd get better.

He tried to completely ignore the little voice in his head that screamed out about the chip, desperate to be heard and getting louder with ever single amazing thing Scully managed. The strange little device lay beneath the skin of her neck, unseen. Yet perhaps it was doing something? The black lunged son of a bitch had sworn that it would, that it would save her, save them both. He didn't want to hope, didn't want to give into such a beautiful dream and then find out the wolf was still and the door. It would be even more painful.

They half stumbled together as they made their way to the bathroom, two drunks half leaning on each other after a night out. She seemed less tired of walking than she had before, her usual internal strength and determination seemed to shine through. Scully could tell that her partners mind was working over time, she had no idea what about that. 

She made it to the toilet and she once again saw his ears turn pink as he lowered her trousers. Perhaps she was perverted for not trying alone, she might manage but she was more than happy with his head being down there. She was dying so she reasoned that God would forgive her for not exerting her usual self control. 

She sat on the toilet and he turned his back as usual. She had no idea why he tried to give her some kind of privacy while she urinated. People could be so odd about bodily fluids. Perhaps it was her medical degree that had helped her see such acts as nothing important, everybody did it, it was just the way the human body worked. Who cared? He'd seen her naked when he changed her into her pyjamas so what was a little urinating between friends? She let out a small breathy laugh at the thought and quickly calmed herself. 

She flushed the toilet as she sat on it, the water splashed up this time, it wet and chilled her bottom. She jumped up with a little yelp and moved away from it. Mulder spun around at the sound, his heart in his throat, terror seized at his heart. He panted out a sigh of relief, she was fine. She stood on strong looking legs and wiped at her bottom. She gave him a sheepish smile. He dropped down and pulled her trousers back up. His mind baffled yet again at how she seemed basically fine sometimes. 

Scully was staggered by it too. She had been standing alone, she'd walked alone, her appetite was back, she hadn't even had a nose bleed all day, all of which was unheard of recently. She felt fine too which was even stranger.

"Can you run me a bath, please?" She asked him, still standing alone, unaided. She caught a whiff of hospital, of chemicals and death, it assaulted her delicate senses and she wanted rid of it. Funny how a good calming warm bath can take away all your problems too. She used to love going for them but she hadn't been able to bathe herself for quite sometime. 

"Sure. I'll take you back to the bedroom until it's ready" He told her. His intention was to lay her back on the bed while he ran her bath. He went to scoop her up in his arms.

"No." She said a little too loudly. He pulled away quickly. "I mean I, I can stand here. Besides when was the last time you ran a bath, Mulder? You could use my help" She teased, hoping fervently he'd let her stand and work her muscles a little more.

"I can always use your help" He told her, his words light but his voice sounded almost grave. An odd moment passed between them, sparks surging, eyes connecting to weary souls and then just like that, it was over and he was turning to start the bath.

They chatted as the water ran, she stood the whole time, unaided. The things they spoke of were nothing important and most of the time it was her explaining to him why baths were amazing and what scents and bubbles he had to put in. She was reluctant to let such a light conversation die, to remind them both that their was a cold eyes wolf pawing at the door for her. Conversation helped keep both their minds off it. 

Once it was done Mulder steeled himself for a second and turned around. He was determined not to get excited again at seeing her naked. A wish that he knew wouldn't come true, a hope that would die as soon as he caught sight of her form but still he would try. His mind was whirring that he'd see her naked and wet, glistening. He started to undress her, his control already wavering. He didn't bother unbuttoning her top, that would be too loving and not detached enough, he just pulled it over her head, her hands came to his waist to steady herself and he felt himself tingle at the touch.

He got the top off and threw it away. He could feel his treacherous body responding to her, his mind pleading with him to kiss her, just kiss her! Such a perfect ivory goddess standing half naked next to him. His cock throbbed heavily and he swallowed deeply, trying to overcome his constant desire for her. He heard her gasp quietly, then realised his breath had fallen on her nipples as he started to crouch to pull her pyjama bottoms down. His eyes snapped upwards of their own accord and landed on the puckered rosy skin, they begged to be touched and he groaned out at the strength it took to ignore their call. She answered his groan with a small moan and he caught her eyes, she was staring right down at him, pupil's dilated and a flush on her chest and face, a stark contrast to her milky pale completion, peaches and cream.

He felt a charge between them and ignored it. She was ill for Christ's sake! Dying! He pulled her bottoms down with shaky hands, her delicate hands slipped up to his shoulders, keeping her stable. She ignored everything that was going on, denial thy name is Dana. She would *not* do this, couldn't risk it, couldn't give into it just because she was dying. It was absurd. She kicked out of her bottoms. 

"Okay, I'll just, uh, pick you up" He told her, or was he telling himself? She nodded, her cheeks blazing and her eyes never missing a moment, focused on him completely. With a start she felt her core swelling and moisture pooling, that hadn't happened in months. She hadn't had much of a sex drive since she'd started chemo and even when she did indulge in some self love she needed a hell of a lot of store bought lubricant. She hadn't been wet down there for so long it felt almost foreign to her. 

Mulder scooped her up in his strong arms, they both panted at the contact, neither meeting the others eye's. She chastised herself for foolishly asking for a bath. How did she think they'd manage it? She just wanted the stench of death off of her, to get rid of the dead skin that surely clung to her and to ease her muscles. She hadn't thought enough about this part, this agonisingly beautiful part. The sparks and fireworks that jumped and danced between them. 

He lowered her into the bath gently and felt grateful that the bubbles covered her body, or was he dissapointed? He still couldn't quell the arousal flooding his veins. How could he when she lay like a Greek Goddess, water slopping over her pert breasts, her eyes pool's of deep onix, a ring of sapphire hugging around them. He could no more look away from her at that moment than he could cast his eyes to the ground as a UFO flew overhead. 

"Thanks, Mulder" She spoke, a clear attempt to break the silence and remind them both that they weren't living in some Mills and Boon novel. For this night wouldn't end with sighs and whispers of adoration and commitment. No, it would go on as it always did, as it always had. It would end with death, not love. There would be a Reaper, not a wedding and she desperately needed to keep her mind and body on that. 

"I'll go grab you a towel" He said and left. He fled so fast that if Scully wasn't such a neat freak there would have been dust in his wake. 

He readjusted his solid, almost painful, erection infront of the cupboard, trying to calm his heart and his mind before he went back to her. His mind kept showing him a perfect picture of her in the bath. Her red hair damp at the tips, bubbles covering her seductively and popping out a symphony, lavender whisping at him and caressing the room. He was sure this had to be some kind of torture.

He took the towel back to the bathroom, sat it folded on the closed toilet seat and sat on top of it. Try ad he might to stare st the wall hid eye's kept straying towards her perfection. Hiw he wished he could act on what he wanted, he knew they each deserved more than that and he wasn't even certain of her feelings for him. He was sure she did love him but a heavy voice reminded him of the risk and what if she didn't. 

Scully washed herself and tried her best to relax and pretend Mulder wasn't sitting in the room while she was naked and turned on. She focused instead on keeping her hands from shaking as she washed and kneaded her legs. She briefly wished she could shave her legs but discarded the thought almost immediately, she could hardly keep her arm steady with a sponge so the risk that she'd cut her legs was too high. No way would she ask Mulder to help her shave. That would be beyond temptation, for both of them. 

She wasn't foolish or unobservant, she'd seen his reaction as much as she'd felt her own. She knew he wanted her, would stake her life on it. She supressed a laugh at that. His erection had deflated a little but she could still see it tenting his trousers when she cast a sneaky sideways glance at him. He was so beautiful! 

Scully's mind and body felt a thousand times better while she lay in the warm water. Bubbles gently caressing the sides of her breasts, the water warm and soothing, covering her in bliss. Her mind floating happily along. She could not think about Deaths cruel approach when the moment was so calm. It would, of course, be more perfect if he were to join her in the water but she would never voice those thoughts. 

"Could you help me wash my hair?" She whispered out. Hating the fact that her voice disrupted the calm in the room but glad that it snapped Mulder out of whatever internal torment he was in.

"Sure, Scully" He said and cleared his throat. 

He eased her hand back into the warm water. The bubbles had almost gone now, leaving the peaks of her creamy breasts poking out, her nipples crinkled and stiffened in the cool air. He forced himself to try and view it all in a clinical way. 

He helped her sit up, she pulled her legs up, her knees covering her breasts, making it so much easier on him and surreptitiously easing the ache for him in her nipples. He poured out some lemon scented shampoo, inhaling it deeply, Scully's normal scent. He'd almost forgotten how incredible it was. He'd become so used to the smell of a hospital on her that the smell of lemons gave him a heady rush. 

He rubbed it into her hair, almost weeping in the perfection of the moment. Scully bit back a moan as his fingers rubbed and kneaded at her scalp, working up a fluffy lather. He felt his cock standing at full alert but ignored it in favour for taking in the scent of lemon, the feel of silky wet hair and Scully's closed eyes. He felt bubbles pop over his fingers as he massaged in the shampoo. 

"Do you want me to lie back to rinse it?" Scully asked. She knew the moment had gone on far too long. It was already verging on erotic and she *had* to put a stop to it. 

Mulder startled, snapping out of his daze, suddenly realising he'd been massaging her scalp for five or ten minutes. He would berate himself but it was hard to be ashamed or angry at himself when it had felt so damn good. 

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, sorry" he said. He felt the need to apologise to her for keeping her in the bath so long. She was probably getting cold and hungry, for *that* he would berate himself. 

Scully very gently and very slowly leaned back, Mulder helped to steady her as she dipped her head under the water. She closed her eyes and let the water wash away the shampoo. Mulder couldn't take his eyes off her, laying like a mermaid, streaks of dark red fanning out around her face, floating around in the water like the brick red leaves that cascade to the earth in the fall. 

She struggled to get back up but Mulder was right there and helped her. Her slippery wet lemon scented back felt incredible on his fingertips, thank God Scully liked to layer her fragrance and all of her products were lemon. He loved it! Giving Scully a bath was perhaps the most intimate and wonderful thing he'd ever done in his life. 

"Do you need...uhh" He paused, his mind going blank, what the hell was that stuff you out on after shampoo? So much for his eidetic memory.

"Conditioner?" She supplied with a small giggle. 

"Yeah, that's the one" He said after a chuckle.

"I've got some leave in conditioner that you can spray on when I get out." She told him. He breathed out a sigh of relief, he didn't know how he'd cope with going near her hair again.

"Are you ready to get out?" He asked. He silently prayed that she was. There was only so much one person could take and this was seriously pushing his limits. Scully just nodded. 

They both stumbled around and wondered how the hell it would work. Eventuality after a few giggles from a slippery Scully they got a plan. He helped her stand, pulled the plug and then wrapped a towel over her, covering her naked form in a soft peach towel. She smiled at him as he carried her through to the bedroom.

"I can manage from here, I think. If you can just pass me my pyjamas" She told him in a meek voice, her hands clutching at the towel, keeping her breasts covered. Mulder would normally never leave her alone but he felt close to insanity. He couldn't stand her being naked anymore and not touching her. It was driving him mad.

"You sure?" He asked although it was merely to be polite. He couldn't cocieve of the mental strength he would have to use. He wanted out of that room and away from the temptation as quickly as possible. Scully smiled and nodded, she needed a break too. Mulder got her pyjamas for her and quickly left the room


	6. Chapter 6

Mulder made their dinner as Scully changed and dried off in her bedroom. They were both glad of the break from one another, happy to breath in peace, to get a clear solid amount of oxygen in without inhaling the sparks they were producing. 

Mulder finished reheating the soup they'd had the night before. Scully had loved it and he didn't want it to go to waste. He spread some brown bread to go with it, knowing her appetite had come back, he didn't want her to be hungry. 

Mulder started taking the meal through to her. She was standing on rather steady feet in the livingroom. He quickly put the tray of food on the coffee table and went to her. She spun around. 

"What the hell, Scully?" He shouted. He was so done with her stubbornness! She seemed to have no care for herself what so ever. Just because she was dying didn't mean she should hasten it by hurting herself or pushing herself too much. 

"I..." He ignored whatever she was about to say and scooped her up.

"You're worse than a damn child! You asked me to come here to look after you and you're just..." He trailed off, anger searing him. He dumped her on the bed, probably harder than nessasary. "Do you want to go back? To die in that damn hospital!? Is that it? Is that what you want?! To die alone in there?!" He said in a threatening tone. One which he'd feel disgusted for using as his mood calmed.

He couldn't help it though. He didn't know what name to even give to the emotions he had. He was just so exhausted of this. Exhausted of being upset, of crying over their deaths, of loving her and wanting to be with her. Most of all he was tired of her being so fiercely independent and doing things she aught not to. The last straw seemed to be giving her a bath, it had filled him with more frustration and longing than he'd ever felt.

Scully's face crumpled up, a look of agony crossing her features. She felt awful. He *never* shouted at her, not like that. She had just wanted to go through to the kitchen and share in her excitement, to eat with him at the table. She felt tired but completely better. Her legs were a little sore but it was nothing serious at all. She felt healthy, better. She felt... alive. 

"Scully, shit. I'm so sorry. God, Scully. I'm sorry" He said rushing to her side, realising the magnitude of what he'd done as he watches her eyes fill with tears. He tried to wrap his arms around her but she pulled away. How dare he threaten her with dying in the hospital.

"It's fine, Mulder" She said, raising her eyebrow's, her tears disappeared from her eyes, forced to retreat into the place in her mind where she kept all sadness, all emotion.

"Scully..." He could feel her barrier being forced back up, could feel her pulling away.

"Can I have my dinner please?" She asked calmly. She couldn't handle anymore emotional outbursts, not today. She felt so healthy, so damn good and she couldn't deal with him putting a dampener on it. Her mood had been fantastic until just a few moments ago. She couldn't handle him shouting at her again, couldn't bare to hear the pity and exasperation that lay just beneath his angry words.

"Sure" Mulder said, walking out of the room like a kicked puppy with his tail between his legs. He hated himself for what he'd just done. Hatred wasn't even a strong enough word he didn't think. Treating the love of his life like that, threatening to leave her alone to die. He felt sick at what he'd done. It boiled and writhed inside of him, turning his stomach and squeezing his heart. What had he done? Would she ever be open and trusting with him again? 

It had all just been too much and in the moment he'd snapped. What he'd give to change that moment. Seeing her face screw up was awful but seeing her build up her walls again was heart wrenching. He retrieved their soup and the bread, his eyes filling with tears of shame that he blinked away.

"Here you go" He said softly and sat at her feet. She was leaning up against the headboard. 

"Thanks" She said, not meeting his eyes. She started eating her soup although her stomach felt like a barrel of acid. The silence was painful, deafening in its unspoken words.

"I really am sorry, Scully" Mulder said, putting on his best puppy dog face.

"I know you are, Mulder" She relented. She couldn't stay mad at him, couldn't blame him for turning his fear for her safety into anger. She'd done it plenty of times herself. 

She put down her spoon and grabbed out for his hand. He let her hold it and she gave him a tender smile as she stroked the back of his large hand with her thumb. "Just don't shout at me anymore, okay?" She said but he could tell by the tone of her voice she was trying to tease him a little to diffuse the tension. It didn't really work but he was always glad when she tried to joke around.

"I won't" He told her. He couldn't match her teasing tone. He felt too ashamed. 

"Aren't you going to have yours?" She asked, indicating his soup. His stomach had calmed a lot at her hand hold, a mark of forgiveness from her. Mulder picked his up and they ate in a comfortable silence, both finishing their soup. Scully loved it just as much as she had the night before.

"I think I'm getting better" Scully said quietly once as soon as she'd finished eating. "I mean... I, I feel better. Stronger" 

"Scully..." He wanted to warn her away from the thought, to tell her the price they would each pay if it wasn't true would be too high. 

"No, hear me out..." He nodded "I know it's only been a day but I'm already so much better. I can do things I couldn't and I haven't even had any nose bleeds" They both seemed to hold their breath, waiting for fate to be cruel and make her a liar. It didn't. 

"What do you want to do?" He asked. He couldn't think of anything else to day to her.

"I want to go back, to get another PET scan. I don't want to hope but... I feel different. I can't really explain it" Mulder felt a surge of hope build in him, he tried to quell it as much as possible but it seemed to form roots and embed itself in his mind, taking form and blossoming.

"Okay" He said to her, his voice wary, scared at the outcome of another PET scan. What if it wasn't what they both hoped? Hid heart fluttered in his chest, fear and excitement battling. "We'll go tomorrow morning. Is that okay?"

"Couldn't we go tonight?" She asked. She wanted to spend time with Mulder, to awaken in his arms but the need to know the truth won out. She needed to know if she really was getting better or I'd it was all in her mind. Perhaps she was going a little mad, she thought. Reluctant to succumb to the end and therefor sewing things that weren't there.

"Sure. I'll start packing." He paused, looking at her, he obviously wanted to say more. He didn't think he could voice what he was going through. The excitement, the panic that verged on nausea, the rush, the worry, all of it twisting and writhing in his gut. He wished he hadn't ate the soup now.

"Make sure you pack my fox" Scully reminded him "they might keep me over night" She said it as though spending the night there was a sentence.

"I don't want you to tell anyone about this yet, okay?" Scully told him through a mouthful of left over bread. She was so damn hungry. That had to be a good sign she thought. Maybe, just maybe. 

"I won't" He mumbled, still slightly unsure about going in the first place. He had stolen her away, left the reaper in his dust for a while, why should they go back. But if there was a chance. Any hope at all then he'd do it. He'd walk through hell for the cancer to leave, for the reaper to stay away, to forget how he'd almost lost her, almost lost himself. He'd walk through hell for *her* any damn day of the week. He felt like he was living in hell as it was. A little jont to the hospital was nothing in comparison.

"Could you pack for me?" She asked him. She started to raise from her bed, intent on taking the dirty dished out of her room. She didn't even like having any kind of food in her room so the though of dirty dished festering away made her stomach roll.

Mulder was at her side instantly. 

"How about I get rid of them" He said. She just gave him a small smile and nodded. Her smile seemed to be getting smaller as time went on, as hope blossomed. Surely it should be the other way around.

He said nothing, just took the plates and left. He wanted a moment to himself anyway. He put them in the sink and washed them up, killing time. His mind whirred with everything. His fear tangible. He didn't want to get his hopes up but Scully knew her own body. Was it right to hope? What could it hurt? He felt his stomach plummet as a cruel voice told him the cancer would still be there and he'd have to come back here with her and watch her become even more broken from falling from hope. He'd have to witness her race to death and join her in it. He tried to think positively but it was hard not to let the pain seep through him.

He finished drying and putting away the dishes, a few stray tears slipping out. He went to the bathroom, more to just give him something else to do then out of any really need. 

He couldn't stop his mind from calling forth images of her beautiful naked glistening body in the bath tub as he stood in the bathroom. He managed to ignore them and use the toilet.

When he got back into the bedroom he saw Scully looking very proud of herself, she was dressed and packed already. He felt a twinge of annoyance but decided not to chide her for it. Curse her independent streak.

"Ready to go?" He asked. She nodded her head vigorously. It made her seem so much younger, childlike and innocent.

They made it out and into the car. It was a much easier journey with Scully walking. Even though she needed him to help her, not that she'd ever admit it to him. He could already sense her trying to wall him off and do things all by herself. Her stubborn need to be in control and do things for herself shinning out with each step she managed. 

They set off to the hospital in silence


	7. Chapter 7

They made it to the hospital in a much shorter time than Mulder had hoped. Normally he hated to be stuck in traffic but he'd have killed for a hour long wait in a jam. The more time spent in the car, the more time he could pretend that they were just out on another case. That he wasn't driving her into heart break. He was so certain she wouldn't be better. It was only been a day for God's sake. No one recovered from cancer in a God damn day! 

Scully stayed awake and alert the whole time. Her adrenaline buzzing in her veins. She didn't want to get too excited but it was hard not to. She felt so healthy! Something *had* to be different. It just had to be.

He pulled up close to the hospital. In a sick parallel he realised he'd parked in the same spot. How could he handle taking her away to die twice when the doctor told her there was no improvement. His gut clenched.

"You don't have to come in with me" Scully told him. Her own voice sounded strange to her ears. She didn't want to put Mulder through anything else.

"I'm coming" He told her and got out of the car.

Mulder helped her out and she linked his arm to steady herself. She'd hate to falter in her steps. She felt strong and capable of walking but she took great comfort in his nearness and consoled herself that she needed his physical strength should she fall. She knew better though but hoped he didn't see her ulterior motives. She just wanted him close.

They walked like a slow moving elderly couple up to the hospital. Scully felt sick as the automatic doors opened for her. She was here to find out her fate once more and although she was loathe to admit it she was scared. Would the reaper be waiting here for her? Perhaps this burst of wellness was just some teasing taunt, a cruel joke being played on her desperate need to survive. Some sick deities game. Was she truely well again? 

They made it into the oncology ward, small steps, like walking into hell. She made a promise to herself there and then that she would not cry. No matter the outcome, she would not shed tears over it. 

Mulder led her to a chair. "I'll go find a doctor. You wait her okay" He said. Scully heard his shoes as he walked down the corridor, they patted out a funeral march. Her heart thudded in her chest. As if it was telling her that she wasn't better, never would be, and it was getting in as many beats as it could before it stilled forever. 

"Mr Mulder has told me you're requesting a PET scan, Dana" She heard her doctor's voice reaching her ears as though he spoke through a tunnel. She nodded. Her head reluctant to move. Her fear freezing her muscles. She felt her certainty of her wellness fading away with each of her shaky breaths.

"I'll go wait in the room the doctor's set up again. That okay?" Mulder asked. She could hardly speak so she just nodded once more. A jerky motion that did nothing to calm her stomach. 

"All right, Dana, let's get you seen" She felt hazy, dream like as she moved to the scanning room and put on the loathsome pale pink hospital nightgown. She felt stupid. Of course she couldn't be better! Wishful thinking and nothing more. The desperation of a dying woman. The doctor prattled on about the procedure but she blacked it out. Too lost in her head to pay him any heed. 

"I'll go over the results right now if you'd like. I have some free time" He told her once she came out of the coffin like machine. She hated them, always had. Too confining and noisy. 

"Yes. Please" She said. Her voice hoarse, her throat rough from unshed tears and disuse. He gave her a pitying look before he pulled up her scan. Clearly her request of another scan wasn't new to him and he didn't expect the best. 

Scully's eye's danced over the images. Although she was a long way from med school she didn't think she was that out of practice. She saw *no* trace of the mass. Her eyes widened. She gapped at him, looking for the reassurance of his disbelief. 

His face showed utter confusion. He squinted. He tilted his head. He gazed at the image of the scan from every single angle he could. 

"Well?" She said impatiently. Her voice shaking with fear. She wanted him to see what she did, needed him to. 

"I... I can't see any trace of it... It's beyond me" He sounded awe struck. He took a deep breath. Then he smiled. She felt tears on her cheeks and laughed. So much for her promise. Tears of complete relief flooded her. The feeling was indescribable. "Perhaps I have found something I do dare to call a miracle" He said almost to himself.

"I need to see Mulder" She said through tears and laughter. A coat hanger smile on her mouth. She pinched the skin of her arm, a girlish indulgence to ensure she wasn't dreaming. It hurt and she laughed again. It was real! 

The sheer joy she felt could never be put into words.

"Of course" The doctor said, smiling with her. It was very rare he got to see someone receive good news. He led her to the room Mulder was in. 

The first thought she had as she entered the room was that the green walls didn't look like bile anymore, no, they looked like apples. Like the freshest, cleanest apples. The ones that burst with juice and crunched with so much flavour. 

She smiled at him. She couldn't keep it off her face. Her smile was radiant, brighter than the sun. Mulder didn't need to hear her words. She was okay. She was fine! 

Mulder rushed to her, tears flowing down his face. "You're okay? You're going to be okay?" He said pointlessly as he embraced her. Her hands wrapped tightly around his waist and he felt her nod. It was the best thing he'd ever felt. The doctor left the room, respecting the privacy of the moment. 

They cried together. His tears falling on top of her head. Joy mixing with joy. He leaned back to see her. Her eyes bright and wide. A disbelieving smile on her face. He leaned down to kiss her. Not thinking, not caring about the future or the implications. Just needing so desperately to feel her properly, to seal this perfect moment on his lips. She kissed him back. It wasn't a lovers kiss. It wasn't frantic or demanding. It was innocent and pure. A love so strong it transended any of the physical desires they felt. He let go before it could become anything more. Today was not about that. There would come a time when it was but today wasn't that day.

"I'll go call you're Mum" He told her and she nodded. 

Scully got into bed and waited for her mother to come with Bill. She knew Mulder would stay ouside now. He'd take time to himself and allow her to do the same. She cuddled into the blankets. Taking comfort in the strong clean smell. It no longer smelled of death. It smelled of her college and med school years. Of friendship and comfort...

Of a life just beginning


End file.
